After a whole lotta reflection, I'm giving up. Throwing in the towel. I'm forfeiting the game, and letting Dr. Douglas take home the trophy, such as it is...
While our friend Donalde is welcome to make any heroic claims he wants about his victory and the reasons for it, the fact is, this has been building for awhile.
What started out as one thing became another. In some ways, I started behaving like my opponent--mostly by thinking all this personal bullshit actually mattered, and believing that my online worth was somehow tied into "winning" this competition, but also in some of the actions I took--and I was having more trouble squaring who I wanted to be with who and how I actually was. There came a point where my heart wasn't in it anymore, but I felt roped in in general, and that I had no choice but to defend myself and my honor when attacked, especially.
There have been a few people, words, and incidents (or some combination thereof) that have brought me to the post I'm making, here...
This whole legal fiasco of Donald's has a lot to do with it, but not for the reasons he will likely claim. I'll get to that, below.
But even before that, there was:
1) the general decline in posting by all of the authors, here... Whether spoken or unspoken, our hearts just weren't in it, anymore... I suspect we all had our reasons, but we all pretty much slowed to a crawl (except me, but only when legalistically defending myself against attacks...)
2)
This comment from xpatPHD (or "splat," according to my spellcheck) about the place lacking in the fun it used to have, was also instrumental. It made a whole lotta sense (even if I never was one of the fun ones, really... I still maintain I'm the cute one in the group, but opinions differ.) While stupid pride and the feeling that I had to defend my good name kept me posting those legalistic tour duh forces (yeah, I know...) anyway, I knew he was right...
3) I found myself spending more time AFTK in that big scary real world, or online AFTP (away from the politics), reading music blogs, literary sites, and all manner of nerdy, fun, non-confrontational whatnot... ...and 1) really enjoying it, and 2) not giving a thought to this confrontational bullshit. Like it wasn't even there.
There were probably a few other "pre-legal freakout" factors, but I can't think of 'em just now. Even so, I'm sure they were just as special and life-changing...whatever they may've been....
And then came Donalde's
freakout, culminating (so far, and so far as I know, anyway) in his visits
to the Irvine Police, and
his congressman...
Though it's very likely that Dr Douglas will claim otherwise, it isn't about my fearing the awesome
american power that is him, himself, or my facing up to my supposed "crimes," but yes, the fact that Donald Douglas actually walked into a police station (& perhaps more than one, as well as a congressman's office, and maybe a DOJ or FBI office, taboot) to complain because someone was submitting comments to his moderated blog against his wishes
did affect me. To put it plainly, I realized that Donald Douglas is fucking disturbed in a way that I just hadn't seen, before. (People told me, going clear all the way back to Octopus in 2008 or so--a man to whom I owe a heartfelt apology in this regard--but until Donald went and did this, I didn't really believe he was, well, actually disturbed. I just thought he was really wrong, and maybe a bit too "passionate" about some things.)
But anyone who would be crazy/brave enough to waste the time of first responders and political officials over
blog comments that he was
already perfectly capable of controlling, and insisting that laws designed to protect battered women apply to him and his blog, is really pretty. far. out. there.
And it wasn't just me thinkin' it...
Folks online said so... Folks I spoke to offline said so, too, including some of the folks I consulted with about the laws that do and don't apply to the situation--folks who have more real-world experience with these kinda things than I do... Over and over, I heard essentially the same message... Only the wording would change:
Any guy crazy enough to think he's entitled to have police officers and the FBI enforce the rules of his blog is likely crazy enough to be dangerous when he discovers that they cannot. In any case, it's probably not a good idea to put yourself in the position of finding out.
---
Then there was having to talk to people about what went on... It didn't really occur to me until I was about to go talk to my friend, the lawyer, but not everybody blogs... ...and even fewer blog politically... And
very few do the kind of crap in the name of political blogging that Donalde and I have been doing with and to each other for the last several years. I can't speak for Donalde--obviously--but I was pretty embarrassed to have to explain it all, but especially that last part...
The bullshit I subjected myself to...
The bullshit I did...
The whole stupid stereotypical male pissing contest aspect of the thing...
Like I said above, this isn't who I want to be, and having to admit out loud that it's who I've been was a real wake-up call...
The final straws came in the last 36-48 hours. First, was a post by one of Donalde's online blogging friends:
Saberpoint: Strange Things Are Happening....Donald Douglas Annoyed by Leftwing Blogger. In his post, Stogie says:
"One thing is apparent. Casper has won.
Donald has allowed this individual to get under his skin in a very big way. All Casper has to do now is make any small remark and Donald has a mental breakdown...or so it seems.
Donald, there is much truth to the saying "Don't feed the trolls." You have been serving Casper a 16 oz steak on a daily basis. You have rewarded his efforts. Stop commenting about Respac3 aka Walter James Casper III. Stop reacting to him. Stop referring to him as "hate blogger Walter James Casper III." Is he a hate blogger? Who knows? Who cares, but why give him such a fearsome reputation?"
And in kinda the same vein, a few comments by (very) occasional nihilist Doctor Biobrain, attached to a post at his blog. ...And like Stogie's words above, they were addressed to Donald Douglas. Here's a representative sample, taken from several comments there:
Frankly, I've never understood why they bother with you. You're a boring clown who doesn't deserve to have a blog named American Nihilist dedicated to denouncing you. Exposing your hypocrisy, errors, and lies is like trying to count sand. After awhile, you realize it's pointless and just give up. - And Doctor Biobrain's Response Is...: 11:30 PM
"Again, that's why you shouldn't mess with people. You never know who is crazy and who might cross lines you don't want crossed. And if you treated people with more respect, you wouldn't be having these problems." - And Doctor Biobrain's Response Is...: 11:48 AM
"I mean, like the claims of me being a nihilist. What the fuck did that even mean? I'm a CPA who has his own business, a family man, completely trustworthy, and widely regarded as a nice guy by everyone. I'm one of the most optimistic people you'll ever meet and rightly so, because my life is good and I'm having fun about 99.9% of the time. I believe America is great and want it to be even better for everyone.
And so the idea that I'm a nihilist was soooooo ridiculous that I eventually turned it into its own thing. I really enjoy writing those nihilist posts and I owe it all to you, for being my inspiration.
And yet you stand by those claims, as well as all the other smears you've thrown at me over the years. And what did you gain from it? Nothing. Not a damn thing, except a lot of hassle and a blog devoted to denouncing you.
So how about you change your ways? Stop the personal smears and start making amends by acknowledging that you were wrong for personally attacking all the people you attacked. I'm telling you, these people aren't monsters. Or I hope they're not anyway. And maybe it's too late and they'll just pounce on you, but you shouldn't let it bother you because it shouldn't be personal. And more likely than not, you'll find that they're just regular people like everyone else.
The way I see things, if you're not having fun in life, then you're doing it wrong. And I don't see how you're having fun with this. There's a solution and you're the only one who can do it. You can never insult someone into submission, but you can certainly win them over with a little friendliness and understanding.
Liberals aren't evil nihilists, Donald and we never were. Life isn't nearly that exciting." - And Doctor Biobrain's Response Is...: 2:12 AM
"As I keep saying, there are scary people in this world and you shouldn't fuck with people you don't know. That's why you should be respectful to everyone, because you never know when someone might go crazy and kill you. And so if you go around insulting people all the time and making personal attacks, you don't DESERVE to be pummeled, but you wouldn't be entirely blameless for it either. And that's why we don't go around insulting people and making personal attacks, because we don't want to piss off the crazies." - And Doctor Biobrain's Response Is...: 12:21 AM
While I don't agree with every last word either of 'em said in their comments, both of 'em
spoke to me, even though--coincidentally--they were both actually
talking to Donald.
There is no reason why Donalde should have a blog devoted to refudiating everything he says... Why should anyone care? Why should I treat him as though he's worthy of that kind of attention? Why should I bother with what he says or thinks about me or anything else, when it's clear that the people who value his opinions are people I don't give a damned about in the first place...
Stogie's right, but Donalde isn't the only one reacting to the other like Pavlov's dog... I was doing it, too, responding here to every mention of my name there, pretty much on sight...
Bio's right... Debating Donalde and dealing with his lies and ever-shifting hypocrisies
is like counting grains of sand... Wet sand. In the snow. With gale force winds.
And when you come right down to it, it serves no legitimate purpose. Why wallow in the mud and slime with this clod?
"...you both get dirty, but only the pig likes it."
I'd rather accentuate the positive, thanks... ...and it's time I start...
So,
though Donald Douglas seemingly won't listen to 'em, I will.
The fact is, I want no part of it, anymore...
I'm done.
If this is what Donalde wants to call "winning," he can have it, with all the blessings and good wishes I can muster...
Maybe my leaving the dance floor will indirectly curtail Donald's hateful tango of derision, distraction and destruction... (It takes two, you know... Even if Donald's still not willing to stop, finding a new dance partner stupid and pig-headed enough to take over for me will take time...)
---
Here's what I'm intending, at least right now...
The. Blog. Stays. Up.
That's a promise I won't go back on. I'm a stickler for the written record, besides, so it just makes sense... I'll probably adjust a few things... ...and maybe even repurpose the place, perhaps... We shall see... (Unless/until I do repurpose the place or whatever, the other authors continue to be free to post as they wish... Any topic--even the one I'm giving up on, even. (As always, I only speak for myself. They can post as they please, according to their own consciences.)--whenever and however they wish...)
The one exception to my declaration above is this legal business... I'll continue to discuss that here and wherever else necessary, online or off, for as long as it's a going concern, but once it's gone, so is Donald Douglas, man and myth, as a topic of my blogging. (And Donald... If you secretly have even the slightest misgivings about calling your congressman, the police, & who-knows-who-fuck-all over blog comments, I'm offering you an easy, blame-free (blame-me) way out... Say you're stopping because it's unnecessary, seeing as how I gave in, defeated... It's all up to you, Bud, and I won't call you out... You'll never get a better opportunity to slink out of such a stupid, crazy, bone-headed, CRAZY (and did I say crazy?) f@ck%ng move, without even having to admit either fault or failure. If I was you, I'd think about it.)
That isn't to say I won't discuss the same topics as him, or even quote and cite American Power, sometimes... But to the extent that it's possible, I'll avoid mentioning his name, or discussing him, personally. (While my phrasing may seem a tad weaselly, I don't much go in for absolute statements and zero tolerance policies... There are circumstances that would warrant my talking about Donald personally--especially given the current situation--and I'm not going to swear to do / not do something that could at some later point turn out to be unreasonable.)
In true Donalde Kent Douglas fashion though, he is now and forevermore
BANNED!!! from commenting on any/all blogs under my control... No whining, threats or fretting... All future submissions disappeared on sight, without further notice or comment. Persona non grata, gone-a, goodbye...
---
That's it, least as far as I can think of just now...
Given the intended finality of this post and it's subject, I reserve the right to revise and extend my remarks as needed, for a reasonable slice of the future... (whatever
that means...), and to bump this post topwards whenever I feel it needs it... ...at least until the (possible) repurposing of AmNi... Folks who drop by later have a right to know why the posts dried up...
So congratulations Donald... You "won"... Commence declaring victory.
I'll be... ...well... ...somewhere else, and likely having more fun than you.
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An
American Nihilist x-post (Quite possibly, the last.)
