Wednesday, July 09, 2008

Golden Rule of "Steves" (or Johns, or Richards)

I'm with Doctor Awesome... Keeping it in your pants except when absolutely necessary is the way to go...

But there aren't any clear guidelines for proper etiquette posted anywhere. Nobody has told these old men that they aren't in WWII fighting on the German front anymore, so they can put some clothes on. So I'm developing what I'll refer to as the Golden Rule of Steves. We all know the golden rule - do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Modifying this for locker rooms, I'd say we should do unto other Steves as you would have done unto your Steve. If you don't want to be constantly subjected to random Steves as you are getting dressed, then don't subject other people to your Steve while they are getting dressed. Very practical, and very considerate.

Let's look at the very important First Corollary of the Golden Rule of Steves, the No Contact Rule. It goes without saying that there should be no physical contact of any kind. But there also should be no eye contact either. Pretend that Steves are like the sun, and that looking directly at them will blind your retinas for life. This is out of wouldn't want another man staring at you like next weeks' winning lottery numbers are written there, would you? Another aspect of the no contact rule is verbal. If you are naked, or even partially exposed, there should be no words exchanged until you are covered again. That rules out conversation at the urinal, for instance. There are some good reasons to be naked, but talking at length about the game last night is not one of them. Put your drawers on!

Read the whole piece here: To Every Man A Manswer: Golden Rule of Steves

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