"Ohio really did go to the president last night. And he really did win. And he really was born in Hawaii. And he really is -legitimately- President of the United States. Again. And the Bureau of Labor Statistics did not make-up a fake unemployment rate last month. And the Congressional Research Service really can find no evidence That cutting taxes on rich people grows the economy. And the polls were not skewed to over-sample Democrats. And Nate Silver was not making up fake projections about the election To make conservatives feel bad. He was doing math. And climate change is real. And rape really does cause pregnancy sometimes. And evolution is a thing. And Benghazi was an attack on us. It was not a scandal by us. And no one is taking away anyone's guns. And taxes haven't gone up. And the deficit is dropping, actually. And Saddam Hussein didn't have weapons of mass destruction. And the moon landing was real. And FEMA isn't building concentration camps. And UN election observers aren't taking over Texas. And moderate reforms of the regulations on the insurance industry And the financial services industry Are not the same thing as communism."