A thought-provoking blog post: "How to Talk to Little Girls" (Latina Fatale) #GirlsUnstoppable

Just a taste here:

I went to a dinner party at a friend’s home last weekend, and met her five-year-old daughter for the first time.

Little Maya was all curly brown hair, doe-like dark eyes, and adorable in her shiny pink nightgown. I wanted to squeal, “Maya, you’re so cute! Look at you! Turn around and model that pretty ruffled gown, you gorgeous thing!”

But I didn’t. I squelched myself. As I always bite my tongue when I meet little girls, restraining myself from my first impulse, which is to tell them how darn cute/ pretty/ beautiful/ well-dressed/ well-manicured/ well-coiffed they are.

What’s wrong with that? It’s our culture’s standard talking-to-little-girls icebreaker, isn’t it? And why not give them a sincere compliment to boost their self-esteem? Because they are so darling I just want to burst when I meet them, honestly.

Hold that thought for just a moment.

This week ABC news reported that nearly half of all three- to six-year-old girls worry about being fat. In my book, Think: Straight Talk for Women to Stay Smart in a Dumbed-Down World, I reveal that fifteen to eighteen percent of girls under twelve now wear mascara, eyeliner and lipstick regularly; eating disorders are up and self-esteem is down; and twenty-five percent of young American women would rather win America’s next top model than the Nobel Peace Prize. Even bright, successful college women say they’d rather be hot than smart. A Miami mom just died from cosmetic surgery, leaving behind two teenagers. This keeps happening, and it breaks my heart.

Please read the rest: How to Talk to Little Girls

As I read this post, I realized how often I use appearance as the go-to, first compliment when talking to my niece and other young girls whose parents, etc. I know. While I believe that such compliments have their place, I'm going to try harder to focus in on those attributes and skills that I (or the specific girl I'm talking to) most value in future, especially when making an initial, first-impression comment. Like the Dove Real Beauty and #GirlsUnstoppable campaigns, I believe female (and human) beauty is more than skin deep, and comes in many forms.
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Links:
How to Talk to Little Girls

The Dove Campaign for Real Beauty
dove real beauty campaign - Google Image Search

Help Make All Girls Unstoppable
Positive Self-Esteem Makes All Girls Unstoppable
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But on the other hand:
How To Raise Girls Who Love Their Looks
(And no, I didn't realize until this link addition that the original post, as well as the link I just added, are from 2011... Still as relevant and thought provoking, though...)

In Reply: If this clown saw his mother use her "hardware" to cook, she was doing it wrong. (and it would explain a lot about him, too.)

Revised and extended, in reply to: Do We Really Need Easy Bake Ovens For Boys? (Video) | The Lonely Conservative, and the following video and comment, in particular:



Zilla sez:

People freak out over the silliest things these days. A boy playing with a toy that is pink won’t make him less of a boy and a girl playing with a blue toy won’t make her less of a girl. My kids know better than to judge based on color.
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If grown men cook--and I'm pretty sure most do, these days--I see nothing wrong with young boys pretending to cook. (...or helping out in the kitchen with real meal preparation, for that matter.)

Zilla's right about the color thing...but it's so ingrained in this culture, I can see why one would want to avoid that fight (especially when there are people like the guy in the video, still getting so worked up (and dare I say, emotional?) about boys playing at assuming "female" roles like cooking. (If this is the way he actually lives, his wife must be thrilled to be doing all the cooking and cleaning and laundry and childcare in their home.) The bigger issue is whether or not we want children role-playing (and thereby learning about) the various roles the adults and older siblings in their lives exhibit, day to day. The color battle can wait.

The gentleman in the video can raise his children according to outdated strict gender roles if he chooses...but to whatever extent his sons can't feed themselves when mom's out of the house, or his daughters need rescuing because they can't change a flat tire "like a man," the fault will be with him.

All that said, we bought one of these new easy-bake ovens for our niece last Christmas. NO ONE needs the version they make today. The light bulb was less safe, but the narrow slit through which kids are supposed to insert the baking tin full of mix insures a complete mess. My sister-in-law let my niece try it two or three times, then cleaned it all up, packed it back up, and donated it to her church's daycare program. (And she suspects that they didn't use it either, but sold it at a garage sale fundraiser.) As the one's who gave the gift, it was kinda disappointing...but having been there for at least one of the baking sessions--and subsequent clean-up--we understood completely.
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Posted 12/18/12, 1:04 PM

X-Post: I Think I'm A Bunny - Todd McHatton - Galactic Champions of Joy

(h/t: One Flew Over the Playpen -- Yes, from the same offering that brought you yesterday's Goodness post.)

Links:
Todd McHatton
HAND AID || Puppets for Equality (for Puppets)
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A Goodness and Goodwill x-post