A thought-provoking blog post: "How to Talk to Little Girls" (Latina Fatale) #GirlsUnstoppable

Just a taste here:

I went to a dinner party at a friend’s home last weekend, and met her five-year-old daughter for the first time.

Little Maya was all curly brown hair, doe-like dark eyes, and adorable in her shiny pink nightgown. I wanted to squeal, “Maya, you’re so cute! Look at you! Turn around and model that pretty ruffled gown, you gorgeous thing!”

But I didn’t. I squelched myself. As I always bite my tongue when I meet little girls, restraining myself from my first impulse, which is to tell them how darn cute/ pretty/ beautiful/ well-dressed/ well-manicured/ well-coiffed they are.

What’s wrong with that? It’s our culture’s standard talking-to-little-girls icebreaker, isn’t it? And why not give them a sincere compliment to boost their self-esteem? Because they are so darling I just want to burst when I meet them, honestly.

Hold that thought for just a moment.

This week ABC news reported that nearly half of all three- to six-year-old girls worry about being fat. In my book, Think: Straight Talk for Women to Stay Smart in a Dumbed-Down World, I reveal that fifteen to eighteen percent of girls under twelve now wear mascara, eyeliner and lipstick regularly; eating disorders are up and self-esteem is down; and twenty-five percent of young American women would rather win America’s next top model than the Nobel Peace Prize. Even bright, successful college women say they’d rather be hot than smart. A Miami mom just died from cosmetic surgery, leaving behind two teenagers. This keeps happening, and it breaks my heart.

Please read the rest: How to Talk to Little Girls

As I read this post, I realized how often I use appearance as the go-to, first compliment when talking to my niece and other young girls whose parents, etc. I know. While I believe that such compliments have their place, I'm going to try harder to focus in on those attributes and skills that I (or the specific girl I'm talking to) most value in future, especially when making an initial, first-impression comment. Like the Dove Real Beauty and #GirlsUnstoppable campaigns, I believe female (and human) beauty is more than skin deep, and comes in many forms.
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Links:
How to Talk to Little Girls

The Dove Campaign for Real Beauty
dove real beauty campaign - Google Image Search

Help Make All Girls Unstoppable
Positive Self-Esteem Makes All Girls Unstoppable
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But on the other hand:
How To Raise Girls Who Love Their Looks
(And no, I didn't realize until this link addition that the original post, as well as the link I just added, are from 2011... Still as relevant and thought provoking, though...)

In Reply: If this clown saw his mother use her "hardware" to cook, she was doing it wrong. (and it would explain a lot about him, too.)

Revised and extended, in reply to: Do We Really Need Easy Bake Ovens For Boys? (Video) | The Lonely Conservative, and the following video and comment, in particular:



Zilla sez:

People freak out over the silliest things these days. A boy playing with a toy that is pink won’t make him less of a boy and a girl playing with a blue toy won’t make her less of a girl. My kids know better than to judge based on color.
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If grown men cook--and I'm pretty sure most do, these days--I see nothing wrong with young boys pretending to cook. (...or helping out in the kitchen with real meal preparation, for that matter.)

Zilla's right about the color thing...but it's so ingrained in this culture, I can see why one would want to avoid that fight (especially when there are people like the guy in the video, still getting so worked up (and dare I say, emotional?) about boys playing at assuming "female" roles like cooking. (If this is the way he actually lives, his wife must be thrilled to be doing all the cooking and cleaning and laundry and childcare in their home.) The bigger issue is whether or not we want children role-playing (and thereby learning about) the various roles the adults and older siblings in their lives exhibit, day to day. The color battle can wait.

The gentleman in the video can raise his children according to outdated strict gender roles if he chooses...but to whatever extent his sons can't feed themselves when mom's out of the house, or his daughters need rescuing because they can't change a flat tire "like a man," the fault will be with him.

All that said, we bought one of these new easy-bake ovens for our niece last Christmas. NO ONE needs the version they make today. The light bulb was less safe, but the narrow slit through which kids are supposed to insert the baking tin full of mix insures a complete mess. My sister-in-law let my niece try it two or three times, then cleaned it all up, packed it back up, and donated it to her church's daycare program. (And she suspects that they didn't use it either, but sold it at a garage sale fundraiser.) As the one's who gave the gift, it was kinda disappointing...but having been there for at least one of the baking sessions--and subsequent clean-up--we understood completely.
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Posted 12/18/12, 1:04 PM

In Reply: Grand Juries "Routine" in Homicide Cases

Two comments (an hour or so apart) in reply to Allergic to Bull: Texans Should Be Angry At Lavaca County District Attorney Heather McMinn For Wasting a Citizen’s and Grand Jury’s Time...
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Reading a bunch of the news stories about the case, I kinda get the feeling that sending the case to a grand jury was just standard procedure. I can't find anyone--not even those who would ostensibly be on the "prosecution" side of this case (law enforcement, the district attorney, ...) who believed the father deserved to be charged or prosecuted. The local news stories and statements by all concerned treat it's going to the grand jury as unremarkable, and just the next (last) step in the process to clear the father of any legal wrongdoing...

While I'm with you on it being a waste of money--and certainly burdensome on the father if he was obligated to pay for a lawyer for this (not to mention other "potential defendants" against whom no one in the law enforcement / legal community believes charges should be filed)--I'm not sure this is a moral or legal injustice, or that the district attorney is personally or professionally at fault, at least based on the way most of the news stories and statements by those involved and those familiar read...

(I submitted comments to a few local news stories asking for clarification on this... I'll comment here again, if I see anything that speaks to the issue one way or the other...)
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Submitted for moderator approval Posted June 21, 2012 10:20 AM

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Got a reply to my query from a reporter in TX: "in Texas, every case that is ruled a "homicide" -- death by other than natural causes -- is routinely forwarded to a grand jury even when prosecution is unlikely." - Grand Jury: father's action was justified | The Gonzales Cannon
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Submitted for moderator approval Posted June 21, 2012 11:32 AM

In Reply: Self Defense - Be Skeptical, and Investigate Accordingly

In reply to: Allergic to Bull: Memo to Texas “Civil Rights” Group: Fathers (Allegedly) Defending Their Daughters From Sexual Assault Have Rights, Too
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Yeah, the civil rights guy's statement went too far over the line.

I mean, I do believe that the see-saw can teeter-totter too far either way in cases where death results from (alleged) self-defense, especially when the dead party is wholly unsympathetic. Some of the whoops and hollers in support of this father come on a bit too strong for my tastes, and make me wonder whether these folks are just itching to dispense a little vigilante justice, and perhaps even hoping to get the chance--though it's far more likely that it's just men "proving" they're "real men." (I'm not one for celebrating death, even of demonstrably evil people. I found a lot of the "bin Laden is dead" hootin' and hollerin' distasteful, too. Obviously, I don't score high with some folks on that "real men" scale.) The father, from what I've read, is remorseful over having killed the guy, in spite of what he'd done to his daughter. Some of the commenters at Allah's post talk about the residual effects of taking a life, even when it's legally justified.

I believe such cases need to be thoroughly investigated, with a little extra bias toward the rights of the guy unable to tell his side of the story, perhaps--I'm not saying the person who did the killing shouldn't be considered innocent until proven guilty or nothin', but I do think there ought to be a healthy dose of skepticism driving law enforcement to be sure that it was self-defense, not a murder dressed up to look like self-defense.

(And let me be clear, here... I'm NOT casting aspersions on the father in THIS PARTICULAR CASE. It sounds to me like he did no more or less than he felt was necessary to defend his daughter, and I fully expect that the investigation--even (especially) my "heightened scrutiny as a result of being skeptical" investigation--will bear that out.)

But I do believe that whenever someone is killed or seriously injured to the point that they cannot tell their side of the story, in a case where the living party asserts self-defense, it is incumbent on law enforcement and the legal system to take extra steps to assure that justice is served.

If ya ask me, a good bit of the uproar over the Trayvon Martin case was sparked by the fact that it didn't look like that investigation was taking place, and the lack of public relations (obviously, the investigation was going on behind the scenes, so the story wasn't as it appeared) allowed both legit and illegit factions to start asking/demanding answers.

Folks who kill and claim self-defense don't need to be charged or arrested straight off--but they do need to be thoroughly questioned and otherwise investigated, and not exonerated by law enforcement officials in the court of public opinion until they are sure no case can or should be made.

In that regard--and with an eye toward the folks who make online comments figuratively high-fiving this father...if not describing exactly what size flaying knife they would've used to peel this guys skin off alive and the like, if it was their daughter--I understand where the human rights guy was coming from. (I get vengeance, especially where one's children are concerned...but that's why we have a theoretically dispassionate law enforcement and legal system, and don't leave the administration of justice to the wronged parties alone.)
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Submitted for moderator approval Posted June 15, 2012 1:44 PM

In Reply: Quinn Cummings Talks (and authors book about) Home-Schooling

In reply to: The QC Report: There's a Smart Young Woman on a Light Blue Screen
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First off, you look and sound great and, while too many such videos will forever take away my ability to "hear" what you write as coming out of the mouth of Lucy McFadden*, I suppose that is a good thing... ...though, I'll miss it, too.

It also has me very interested in reading the book, so it succeeds on that level, as well. Like one of the other commenters, I get a little wary around homeschoolers who do it to insulate their children from certain political or social views, because differing views are part and parcel of being an American, and it's never too early to learn to navigate those waters, but there is much value in understanding how your child learns and being able to give them the kind of individualized instruction that works best for them. (Parents ought to do that, regardless... Public education should be a floor; There is no reason parents cannot or should not supplement it with their own expertise about their own kids, even if they cannot or do not wish to homeschool.)

"Please prove you're not a robot"
I Think I'm A Bunny

*for those reading this here on What'd I Say, Google it, if you don't already get the reference.
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Submitted for blog owner approval 6/10/12, 8:45 AM (or so... I'll update and link once the comment is approved... unless it isn't, of course...)

X-Post: Want happiness? Think like a toddler

A Goodness and Goodwill x-post
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Words stolen from this One Flew Over the Playpen post of the same name. I didn't take all of it, and I didn't even want to take as much as I did, but I also didn't want to lose the essence of AnnieDubs' post. Still, anyone interested should read the whole thing at her post. (In fact, I'd recommend reading her blog, in general: One Flew Over the Playpen | One-time political insider turned stay-at-home momma.)

Toddlers make every single choice based on a single criterion: Does this have the potential to make me happy at this exact moment. I say at this exact moment, because the moments following something like lying down in a rain puddle, diving off the sofa, seeing if your finger will fit down the bathtub drain, and smacking the dog across the nose are accompanied by a decidedly unfun aftermath. But that’s not the point. The point is to not think, to just do. To give every possible opportunity for happiness, even if it’s fleeting, the chance it deserves.

Most of the time, I am the buzz kill to O’s high on life. BE CAREFUL. DON’T TOUCH THAT. SLOW DOWN. But sometimes, I follow him around and do what he does. We run wildly through the park with no direction. We put all the pillows in the house in one pile on the floor and throw ourselves onto them. We tear up magazines because the sound is so cool.

I also let O fall. A lot. I worry that if I ever had to take him to the hospital, they’d call Social Services because he is a mosaic of scrapes and bruises on any given day. But generally, if I am confident he can’t break his neck and probably won’t break a bone, I believe the aftermath is worth the adventure.

If you are having a bad day, you should stop for a moment and act like a toddler. And don’t give me that I have responsibilities BS. Go outside and just run without thinking. Stick your hand in some mud just to feel it ooze under your fingernails. Take something – just anything you see – and dump it on the floor to hear the noise. Make the craziest sound you can think of until you feel better.

I know my job is literally to follow around a toddler. I know, I know. My life is sweet ass. But like I said, I’m still a buzz kill to O 99% of the time. It doesn’t matter what my job is now, I still think like an adult. How much time do I have? What needs to get done? What’s the next step?

You gotta force yourself to think differently sometimes. O is right. Sometimes happiness is watching a plane float by. Sometimes it’s rubbing yogurt through your hair. Sometimes it’s spinning in circles until you can’t spin any more.

It doesn’t matter how much planning I do or how thoroughly I weigh the consequences, happiness really doesn’t ever change, whether you’re a toddler or adult…it is always fleeting. But I forget that. I keep forgetting it’s not a long-term accomplishment. I’ve been thinking lately about how I’m not doing enough with myself. I’m not “furthering my career” or “making the most of my time.” But when I look back at the people and things that have made me most happy in my life, they are a series of tiny, fleeting moments that can’t be quantified. Somehow they all just add up into one big general state of just feeling happy.

So when I’ve been feeling like that, I take a tip from O. I grab a little bit of happiness where ever I can find it, even if it’s fleeting. Even if there’s a mess to clean up afterward. It’s worth it every time.

I have nothing to add...